I had a conversation with I think is my friend,and she told me how odd and how much she don’t know me.This was also the reason she thinks why people don’t accept me ,or,in our circle,doesn’t even bother to be concern to me.
I guess I’m not an extrovert people thinks. I protect so much on my image that I don’t want anyone to bother with my problem or my affairs. I’m also thinking that is it because no one ever bothered to asked me and know me at all.
I know that everyone thinks that I’m this bubbly,friendly,and cheerful person.Everybody thinks that I handle my affairs right but they don’t know how I much I cried every time. Everyone thinks that I’m a very independent person that goes well with the crowd.They didn’t think that I wear a mask to prevent everyone from worrying.I don’t want anyone to be involve with my problems and sadden. All, I want is to see everyone smiles and talk about their joyous moments. They may not be my closest friends but how I cherish their stories and company.
Though,how is this related to giving up? These people whom she refer were the people who gave me a view on the Philippine society and why I should join the struggle for national democracy. And, I give up on the struggle.I don’t see myself as one with them for so long. I think I’m done. Believing in this struggle which I’m not even united is nonsense.
I’m not a coward but I give up.All I want is acceptance not changing myself for their benefit.They never bother to know me and I’ve done my part to introduce. I’m give up.