Two months ago, I was arguing with myself on the deciding to let you go. I asked my dearest friends on this idea, and they could’ve be happier on my contention. They actually celebrated when they learned that I finally said my goodbye to you. Chickens, cake, pizza and beers were all over Ruru’s room( my friend) as they sings their cheers on our technical break up. You were technically my first association to a heterosexual relationship. The first boy probably I had a semi-romantic relationship. I can’t say if I’m lowly for the failed understanding nor happy that I finally figured out my sexual orientation, there were no emotions since then.
Ok!Maybe i felt sad for ending our friendship but it doesn’t necessary means that’s all I felt for the whole relationship. It’s not even liberating, I am still the same me before you came. My life is pretty much the same since, I am still the happy-go-lucky,free-spirited, and jolly me.
Now, I’m thinking on the impact you made in my life, there is one that I will never forget, that’s the idea of love. You made realized that I’m capable on such thing, which entail my repulsiveness on the idea. Love is the capability of acceptance, the idea of accompaniment, and the idea of exclusivity. Is it good?No, It’s a foolish idea for one’s selfish agenda.There is no one such thing as a relationship that involves two people exclusively. In the end of the day, friends, family,workmates and even ordinary people are always involve, because they are the people who shapes us. It is impossible to exclude these people when we always have our association with them. I’m not saying that they decides on the flow of relationship but one key determinant for a relationship’s success.
You being there for me was no different from friends presence. It was unlucky that you felt love ( I didn’t)and we had an affair. I guess if we stayed as friends it’ll change my outlook on the idea you introduced to me. But there’s no turning backs, we are now each others memory.It’s been two months and we still have to continue our own journey on different roads, intersections, and detours of life, which neither of us will understand until someone is finally there to teach and help us realize.